I've made a huge mistake

So it has been decided that Hubris, Bourbon Samurai, and myself will get an apartment together in May. This may be the single worst decision in my life, as any attempts to evolve towards adulthood will be smashed by a wave of liquor fueled, video-game powered, bad movie coated, fist-fights-at-1am tapered tomfoolery. Think I am exaggerating; well here are some recent examples I submit to the jury.

1: Last Saturday the three of us hung out with Brownsox at Kettle of Fish in the West Village. Brownsox was on a mission, so that left the three of us to hang out. After a while, a random woman came up to Bourbon and told us that Bourbon looked exactly like her brother, and offered photographic evidence to back up her claim (which was accurate). The woman went on to talk to Hubris about her marriage, while Bourbon struck up a conversation with the woman’s two (mix-gendered and unattractive) friends. Now I had reached a booze powered point in the evening where both my anti-social nature and mildly damaged hearing made talking to new people (especially unattractive ones) un-enjoyable, so I just starting playing pinball, and then played a perfect round of Pac-man (this was my high point of the evening, and I am okay with that), until everyone wanted to go home. This scene will probably repeat much over time, as Bourbon and Hubris like talking to new people more than me, and I like sleep more than them.

2: The next morning, I was awoken by Hubris barging into my room chanting “Kahn”. At first I was confused, but then remembered a promise to watch Star Trek II with them that morning. Star Trek was a nerd fascination that never hit with me, but Hubris loves it and Bourbon would probably kill me and Hubris if he could ride the U.S.S. Enterprise. I did find the movie enjoyable (I had never seen it before), and we followed it up with an evening of baseball watching. This was all well and good, until Bourbon and Hubris started wrestling, and the two of them landed on my leg. No serious damage done, but damn that hurt.

3: Wednesday, we re-installed a tradition of watching Top Chef, which is a great show and this season, set in Chicago, looks very promising. After the show, Hurbis was sent to get more beers (besides the six pack we had consumed), and we found a crazy show, Step it up and Dance! The show follows the basic Bravo reality competition form, this one about professional dancers competing for some money (there seems to be no contract or article or anything, which kinda makes it more hilarious). The brilliance of this show is that it is the semi-classy professionals show that Bravo has mastered, but the professionals are among the most emotional, bitchy, whacked out, and atractive people around, dancers. We dubbed this show and instant classic (I kind of understand the whole reality appeal now) and watched the whole episode until The Ultimate Fighter replay came on, which also is starting a new season (With Rampage as the most hilarious coach ever), and had the most brutal knockout punch I had ever seen in MMA. While I didn’t do anything crazy, I did stay up late drinking a lot of beer and watching a lot of reality TV. That can’t be good for me on any level.

4: Last Night was a good old-fashioned shitstorm. When I got back from work, both my roommates were in their familiar positions; Hubris playing video games, Bourbon screwing around on his computer. However, an urge to go out had arisen, so we ventured out to Los Amigos for some food and Margaritas. We were doing fine until Brownsox arrived and we hit our third pitcher of Margaritas, when everything went pear shaped. Hubris uped the belig, and demanded the Brownsox eat a whole place of guacamole, I began bitching about drinking too much, and Bourbon just giggled. We fled to our home, where the new episode of Step it up and Dance was about to begin. I set the TV auto timer for the show, and put on Beerfest until it was time for the show to start. Now right before Hubris’s favorite joke came up (the Das Boot inside joke when they are in the sub), the timer went off and changed channels. Hubris decided I had wronged him, and proceeded to pummel me with all his fury. Bourbon was perturbed, crying out “Stop it, he will spill beer on my computer.” I am actually a little sore (more physically than emotionally) today because of it.

So the best case scenario of this home is I just get fatter by drinking beer all day and dumber by watching a lot of reality TV and bad movies. The worst case scenario is an all out drunken brawl. Either way, I ain’t coming out of this any prettier.