Top 5 Drunkenings

Since everyone else has done it, here are my top five.

This list is different then most. It marks the 5 most messed up boozed soaked moments in my life, starting with the first time I got drunk and ending at the biggest bender ever. Here they are, in chronological order.

1: Ganbei Night
The first time I got completely wasted. Junior year of High School, I had a couple of friends over, and we drank beer. A lot. We may have done other things, but mostly we just sat there and drank beer. This was the night where my friend, who had spent the summer in China, taught us about the Chinese tradition of Ganbei, where you basically just toast, then drain your glass. The Evening ended with me hugging my toilet (Truly, the beginning of a beautiful friendship), but still clinging to my beer, not wanting to leave a man behind. Photographic evidence of this exists. The next day was my first hangover, and I had to go to my High school for a play rehearsal. Did I boot at my High School? If you are asking, you were never 17 and hung over.

2: M4M Cast party
The most destructive single drinking experience I have ever had. I began the night drinking Bush Mills by the glass, and it went downhill from there. This is the famous night where we invented Backyard fencing, and Bourbon Samurai broke 2 bones in his hand and then proceeded to sleep with his friend’s ex. I ended the night in the alley next to the Wudan, and possibly could have stayed there until graduation had not Uber260 found me, then dragged me to the front lawn, where everyone leaving the party could see me in all my broken glory. There was a Taoist aspect to this evening, as earlier in the night Uber260 repeatedly stabbed me with a fencing sword, and later he possibly saved my life (I am not sure if that is Taoist, but it is something). I woke up the next day with blood on my pants, but no visible wounds. I may have killed a man, knee drops to the head Mark Colemen style.

3: Second Post-grad Chicago Trip
I have been on benders before and will go on benders again, but this was a unique experience, one where I am fairly sure I spent 72 hours straight with a BAC that would keep me away from the wheel of a car. This trip has been well chronicled in other blogs, so I will not go into detail, but it was so epic I had to give up the sauce for 2 weeks afterwards. It did include many of my favorite things about my college experience

-Eating Papa Romeo’s pizza at 4 in the morning
-Getting into a drunken pissing contests with a beloved professor
-Smoking in a downtown bar as an awesome jazz trio played
-drinking weird whiskey from the bottle, following it with good Midwestern beer
-Seeing theatre artists who never let the fact that their reach exceeds their grasps stop them

I would never go back to college, but it is fun to revisit for a weekend.


4: Spring 2006
The only time in my life where AA may have been the way to go. I was producing three shows Off-Broadway, and running two arts in education programs, will a skeleton staff and even less money. Saying I was stressed is like saying Spitzer was unfaithful (when all is said and done, the price tag on both counts might be too close for comfort).I went out pretty much every night, and got to a point when I was almost immune to beer. The only saving grace of this debacle was that Bourbon, Hubris, Rockstar, and occasionally Brownsox were also in the pits with me, along with several other good friends who were in better places of mind. The silver lining was I followed this up with three weeks of complete sobriety (my longest stretch since becoming legal), proving I am not an alcoholic, just a jack-ass.

5: January 2007
A four week bender, starting with “Screw You” new years, and culminating with a super bowl of pain. Highlights include

-Hubris and I getting wasted and almost having a fist fight outside the Irish Rogue ON A TUESDAY
-Having to hunt down Bourbon Samurai in the freezing cold on a Friday night, as he had wandered off, gotten lost, and possibly broke his foot.
-Me almost trashing a bodega as I tried to work the ATM
-Being at a strip club so hammered at 3 in the morning that I was barely aware of the two chicks dry humping each other on my lap (okay, I was very aware of it, but still I was really drunk)
-Teach and Jersey getting the gang kicked out of a bar, only to have Brownsox boot on their stoop as they left.

Saying much more (I shit you not) could land me in jail. Easily the most debauched time of my life. The fact that we all made it through that month is a testament to either our might, or that mighty Shiva (or the ghost of Oliver Reed) thinks we are too funny to die.

That is a good bullet point presentation of my life as a drunkard. Here’s to five more!